29.4.05 11:21 pm
ive been a realli bad daugher..very unfilial..i realli broke my mama's heart 2 wks ago..n now im feelin da lost of nt tokin to my mama..mummy i miss u soo much..
i noe i was throwing such bad tantrums coz of the way things turned out..my lost..bonehead bein soo eww...da fact that u cant protect me from wateva wen u were at work..i didnt tok to u coz u didnt seem to care..u didnt seem to be able to protect me from wateva that happened at home..im sori..
worst part was on sat sumwhere last wk i assume i was throwing tantrums again..n dis time round i slammed da gate,doors..u name me i slammed it..vulgarities keep spitting out..sori..i was ok wif u..wanted to conversate wif u bt u had to say one word which hurt so bad..it still does mummy..i juz left da house hoping to catch the train b4 yours..bt u had to arrive too soon..u came n u sat beside me..u asked where i was heading to..n i walked away..im sori..mum plz 4give me..i shouldnt have walked away n sat at the other bench..wen i sat there n watch u board the train i cried..im sori..n ever since then we didnt tok 4 2 wks..
all coz of my dumb ego i lost my mum..im soo unfilial..how can i be a daughter..how can i even treat my mum dis way..god im such a sinner..syurga di tapak kaki ibu..i will nvr smell syurga after commiting soo many sins towards my mum...
mum im sori 4 blowin up at u last sun..shudnt haf yelled at u..im soo insollent..i noe how u feel..u lost a daughter..u lost me..im no longer the baby gerl u love to tease n hug..
i wanna tok to u soo much bt im too ashamed..im sori mum..
i miss havin u cuddle wif me in my small puiny bedearly in da morn..i miss our lil boy tok..i miss the mepek thangs we used to say..i miss our bitching session wen we watch apprentice..i miss da times wen i will come crawling into ya bed wen i haf nitemares(i still do it u noe 4 the security that mothers can give to their children)..overall i miss u..im sori..i dunnoe how i can make up to u..
i wanna run away n never cause hurt to u..im sori mummy..i realli m..now we sumhow haf a short convo although it doesnt even last 4 5mins..ya hug was soo comforting..so loving..soo caring..so full of security..i wanna hug u again..im sori i made u cry coz of me..im sori mum..i realli m...
i miss u mum...
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